About 9 months ago I was at my doctor’s office for my annual examination. I mentioned that I was experiencing some discomfort. Each time I stood from my seat I felt pain shooting through my hips and down my legs. My doctor suspected that I was suffering from lumbar spinal stenosis. She explained to me that lumbar spinal stenosis is a common condition for folks over 60. It is a narrowing of the spinal canal in the lower back, usually caused by arthritis, and it can be painful and debilitating. She added that this was a progressive degenerative condition and added that it won’t get better without treatment. She then informed me that the first line of treatment for this condition was physical training, to strengthen my core, as this would help support and stabilize my spine. She then gave me the number for a physical therapist and also sent me off for an x-ray. The physical therapy helped some, they gave me several exercises. I have been pretty good at sticking with this core training routine. They also told me that reducing my weight would help. But this has been more of a struggle for me. I haven’t been nearly as dedicated and conscientious about reducing my caloric intake. .In the meantime, my X-rays showed that I indeed had some arthritis in my spine.
Fast forward to more recent times. I have been able to mostly eliminate my leg pain with exercise and proper posture, but now a new symptom has surfaced. I’ve begun to feel a numbness and weakness in my left leg which prevents me from walking more than a block or two before needing to sit and rest. This is in sharp contrast to just a year ago when I was able to walk for miles without any issues. My research has indicated that this symptom is caused by the pinching of the nerves that radiate from my lower spine down into my legs. So now my next move is to visit an orthopedic surgeon. I know I need an MRI before the exact issue can be determined and a course of therapy can be determined. At this point I’m not willing to have back surgery, but depending on my prognosis I may have to revisit that decision. This has all weighed on my mind and led to me being confronted with issues of my aging body and my mortality. It has also produced frequent dark moments of pessimism and hopelessness in my mind. However, I’ve decided that these low points aren’t doing me any good. As a yogi and meditation teacher, I have the tools to help change my mindset and to brighten my mood. But it is up to me to take the next step, to do some much needed spring cleaning of my mind. That is when I decided to make some changes in my thinking.
In the meditations that I lead, I often make a comparison of our minds being like a giant fertile field in which anything can grow. But if this field is left unattended, any seed carried in by random thoughts might take root and sprout. Many of these seeds will be negative, caused by thoughts of fear, anger or self doubt. Without tending, these sprouts will grow stronger, turning into ugly weeds, prickly vines and thorny bushes. Then, even if the seed of a precious, reaffirming thought does land in our garden, it will not thrive. All of the detritus of negativity growing around it will block out the warming rays of the sun and steal the nutrients from the soil. These shoots of optimism that we are trying to cultivate will not prosper. Our affirming sprouts will not be nourished. They will end up stunted and will quickly wither and die away. There is only one solution for this. We need to be the gardener of our mind. We have to uproot all of the self-destructive flora of negativity, to clear away all of the unwanted clutter, so that these precious seeds of optimism can grow and blossom into a beautiful garden of positivity.
In order to begin this mental cleansing, I need to get myself in a proper mindful state so that I can set the intentions that will do the actual work. I need to meditate on this. But what should I use as the focus of my meditation? I decide that there are two recurring thoughts that are producing much of the negativity swirling around my mind. The first is my feeling that I am going downhill. I feel much less capable than I did in the past. And as I feel these capabilities slipping away, I try in vain to hold on to them, to somehow try to cling to my youth. This is the second type of thought that causes me to suffer. Fortunately, my study of Buddhism has given me some strategies to help eliminate these unproductive, defeatist thoughts. The three main teachings that I need to focus on are impermanence, non-attachment and self compassion. These three principles are crucial for finding happiness while aging because they offer a perspective that allows me to embrace the changes and challenges that come with aging, and find meaning and fulfillment in the present moment.
Impermanence reminds me that everything in life is constantly changing. My body, thoughts, and emotions are all impermanent and subject to change. Aging is simply another aspect of this impermanence. By recognizing that aging is a natural part of life and accepting it as such, I can reduce my anxiety and fear of getting older.
Non-attachment teaches that we should not become attached to material possessions, relationships, or even our own physical bodies. By meditating on non-attachment, I am able to let go of my wanting desire to possess my old physical capabilities and instead embrace my new reality. I begin to focus on what I can do, rather than what I can not, and find that I am able to accomplish more than I can ever imagine.
Self-compassion allows me to treat myself with kindness and understanding, and accept my limitations and challenges. As I age, it is common to feel frustrated or disappointed with my physical limitations or changes in my abilities. By practicing self-compassion, I can accept these changes and focus on what I am still capable of doing. This can help me to maintain a positive attitude and sense of self-worth, which are important factors for happiness and well-being.
Together, these principles offer a framework for cultivating a positive outlook and mindset towards aging. By accepting the impermanence of life, letting go of our attachment to external circumstances and physical abilities, and practicing self-compassion, I am tending my garden. I will ultimately reap the benefits and find meaning, purpose, and happiness in the present moment, regardless of my age or circumstance. By embracing these “gardening implements” I am able to perform my spring cleaning and clear all of the unwanted, overgrown flora from my mental garden. I will till the soil of my mental bed, I will nurture the more beneficial crops of optimism and positivity and ultimately enjoy the bountiful harvest from this garden of my mind!
John teaches at F.L.O.W. in Abington, PA. Yin Yoga weekly and a Beginner’s Yoga Workshop once a month. For more information please visit: https://flowwellnesscenter.org/class-descriptions