I am writing this post as Winter is turning to Spring. It is the time of renewal and fresh starts. I’ve been noticing the return of the songbirds to my yard and garden. They bring a symphony of tweets, chirps and calls to my mornings. It is such a contrast to the dark mornings of winter. In the winter, the sound of silence is ever-present. It hangs in the air, almost suffocating me in its dim stillness. It’s the time when my mind is susceptible to gloom. The season that just passed was no exception. In fact, Winter 2022/2023 was darker than normal in some ways. But the sounds of the songbirds, the gentle afternoon breezes and the scent of life reborn have filled my senses in recent weeks. And this Spring renewal has brought about some other changes, in my mind, in my thoughts and ultimately in my outlook.
I have previously written about physical ailments that are negatively affecting my ability to see and my ability to walk. But other than assuring the reader that I am doing everything in my power to try to prevent further escalation of these conditions or even reverse some of their deleterious effects, I want to divert my attention away from my maladies. They are winter worries, fodder for desolate January mornings, and have no place in the hustle and bustle season of Spring. I look out my window and witness folks working, playing, walking and just hanging out. The early yellow flowers of azaleas and crocuses are in bloom. The occasional roar of lawn equipment fills the air as does the scent of freshly cut grass. Mmm, these are sensations that all bring a song to my heart and that song is life. In the winter, the only movement is the cold, bitter wind. Everything else is stuck in a frozen gloom. But in Spring, there is activity, lots of it and it’s all around us.
And just as winter inevitably gives way to spring, so too can we move from negative self-talk to a more positive and optimistic mindset. One key principle of Buddhism that can help us on this journey is mindfulness. By paying close attention to our thoughts and feelings, we can become more aware of the negative self-talk that arises within us. We can start to observe it without judgment, recognizing that it is simply a passing mental phenomenon, rather than an accurate reflection of reality. Just like we observe the dark stillness of winter, we can also observe in ourselves any bleak gloominess of despair. And similarly, as we witness the lively rebirth of spring, we can also take note of any rejuvenating sprouts of optimism.
For many people, Spring is the season of optimism and endless possibilities. It’s a season of planning and a season of planting, a season of anticipating that which is yet to come. Spring is not the time for negativity or self-doubt. How could it be? The days are getting longer, brighter and warmer. But we can experience a negative mindset at any time of year. Buddhism speaks to this idea in the parable of the second arrow. The first arrow represents the pain and difficulties we inevitably encounter in life. The second arrow, however, is the suffering we inflict upon ourselves through our negative reactions to those difficulties. If we can learn to recognize and accept the first arrow without adding a second arrow through negative self-talk, we can avoid unnecessary suffering. I have been caught up in this cycle for quite a while now. My continued emphasis on the things I can no longer do has caused me to spiral downward. I have been shooting myself with the second arrow, and the third, fourth, fifth… hundredth arrow, and more. I have been so caught up in my personal woes that I have caused myself enormous, unnecessary suffering. While, if my mindset was more accepting I could be enjoying the endless spring of optimism.
These are all nice flowery concepts, but how do we bring about this mental shift? One way is to wait for the arrival of spring, as I did. But the value of this approach is very limited at best. A more realistic alternative comes to us from Buddhism. In this philosophy’s teachings, the First Sign of Being, is Change. This principle is also known as Impermanence. It teaches us that everything in life is constantly changing, and nothing is permanent. Just as winter gives way to spring, so too do our thoughts and feelings shift and evolve over time. By recognizing the impermanent nature of our negative self-talk, we can begin to let go of it, knowing that it will pass like all things. We can then use mindful meditation to introduce alternatives to detrimental thoughts, such as affirmations or positive intentions. We can also use mindful meditation to examine our negativity to get a better idea of what is at its core. The best method I’ve found for this was developed by clinical psychologist and meditation guru, Tara Brach. She named this technique RAIN.
Using any method we choose, the key to success is our ability to shift our perspective. Most times I find that when I am in a negative frame of mind I am looking at myself or my life or my state of being as the culmination of forces set against me or my interests, rather than just circumstances that can be looked at in different ways. The story of the farmer and his horse is a well-known Buddhist parable that illustrates this principle. The farmer’s horse runs away, and his neighbors come to commiserate with him. “What bad luck!” they say. The farmer simply responds, “Maybe.” A few days later, the horse returns with a group of wild horses, and the neighbors come to congratulate him. “What good luck!” they say. Again, the farmer simply responds, “Maybe.” Later, the farmer’s son attempts to tame one of the wild horses and is thrown off, breaking his leg. The neighbors come to offer their sympathies. “What bad luck!” they say. And once again, the farmer responds, “Maybe.” Finally, a few weeks later, the army comes through the town, conscripting all able-bodied young men. The farmer’s son is exempted because of his broken leg. The neighbors come to congratulate the farmer. “What good luck!” they say. And once again, the farmer responds, “Maybe.” This story reminds us that what we perceive as good or bad luck is often just our own interpretation of events and that everything is constantly in flux.
One final technique that I’ve had success with in helping to change my mindset is the Buddhist meditation known as Loving-kindness, or “Metta” meditation. This is a practice that involves cultivating feelings of love, kindness, and compassion towards oneself and others. This type of meditation can be helpful in combating negative cycles of thinking or self-talk because it promotes self-compassion, self-love, and positive emotions. When we engage in negative self-talk, we often berate ourselves, judge ourselves harshly, or criticize ourselves for our mistakes or perceived shortcomings. This can lead to feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and depression. Loving-kindness meditation can help to counteract these negative emotions by fostering a sense of self-acceptance, self-love, and compassion.
In a typical loving-kindness meditation, the practitioner repeats phrases or mantras that are intended to cultivate feelings of love and compassion towards themselves and others. For example, one might repeat the following phrases:
“May I be happy” “May I be healthy” “May I be safe” “May I live with ease”
By repeating these phrases, the practitioner is training their mind to focus on positive thoughts and feelings toward themselves. Over time, this practice can help to replace negative self-talk with more positive and self-affirming thoughts.
But before we can employ any of these techniques we must be aware that we are experiencing these negative cycles of thought. This is the “R” in the RAIN acronym discussed above. It stands for “Recognition”. Recognizing, or becoming aware of negative cycles of thought or negative self-talk is an essential step in addressing them. Here are some strategies that can help:
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Mindfulness: Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. Notice when you are engaging in negative self-talk. Observe without judgment, and try to be aware of how your thoughts impact your mood and behavior.
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Journaling: Write down your thoughts and emotions. This can help you identify patterns of negative self-talk and gain insight into the root causes of these thoughts.
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Self-reflection: Take some time to reflect on your behavior and emotions. Ask yourself if you are engaging in negative self-talk or if you are stuck in negative thought patterns.
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Seek feedback: Ask trusted friends or family members for feedback on your behavior and thought patterns. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you identify negative self-talk that you may not be aware of.
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Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT is a type of therapy that focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. A therapist can help you identify negative self-talk and provide strategies for challenging and replacing these thoughts.
Remember, becoming aware of negative cycles of thought or negative self-talk is the first step in addressing them. The methods offered earlier in this post then can be utilized to overcome these patterns. Of course, it is not a simple process. Change can take time and effort. But with practice and persistence, you can learn to replace negative thoughts with positive and constructive ones. And soon your whole being will flow seamlessly from winter into spring.
John teaches at F.L.O.W. in Abington, PA. Yin Yoga weekly and a Beginner’s Yoga Workshop once a month. To learn more about John, visit: https://flowwellnesscenter.org/ourteam