I’m sitting at my computer on a wet and dreary April morning searching my mind for inspiration. I want to write this blog post about Mental and Emotional Health, and I want the tone and tenor of this piece to be positive and uplifting. But truthfully, 2023 has thus far been a challenging year for me. For the first time in my life, health concerns have been dominating my thinking. I guess this isn’t that unusual for someone about to turn 65, but it’s been frustrating and even a bit depressing at times.
The process of aging can be a source of anxiety and stress for many of us. Society often reinforces the message that aging is something to be feared and that once we reach a certain age, our best days are behind us. However, this mindset is limiting and self-defeating. Instead, we should embrace the aging process as an opportunity for growth and renewal, and look forward to the new experiences and opportunities that await us.
As we age, our bodies undergo many changes. Our physical abilities may decline, and we may develop health conditions that require us to adapt our lifestyles. For some, these changes can be difficult to accept. We may feel frustrated, angry, or depressed about our limitations. We may resist making the necessary changes to the way we do things, hoping that we can continue to live as we always have. However, this resistance can lead to increased misery and distress. By accepting our physical limitations and making the necessary adjustments to our lifestyles, we can reduce the suffering associated with these changes.
In addition to physical changes, we may also face emotional changes as we age. We may experience loss, such as the death of loved ones or the end of long-term relationships. We may also face changes in our social lives, such as retirement or the loss of social connections. These changes can be difficult to accept, and we may feel a sense of grief, loss, or isolation as we adjust to our new realities. However, by practicing acceptance, we can find new sources of meaning and purpose in our lives. We can seek out new friendships and activities that bring us joy and fulfillment.
Acceptance is also important in coping with the changes in our relationships as we age. As we get older, our relationships with family and friends may change. Our children may grow up and move away, and we may lose touch with old friends. However, by accepting these changes, we can focus on the relationships that remain and nurture them. We can also seek out new relationships that bring us joy and companionship.
Back in the late 1800s when India was a colony of Great Britain, the British government decided to build a golf course near Calcutta. So they cleared a swath of jungle, dug a few holes, and, voila! Now golf courses in Calcutta weren’t a great idea because this area is inhabited by these particularly inquisitive and raucous little monkeys. So whenever a golf ball landed, these monkeys would run out onto the course, pick up the ball and fling it… anywhere! Obviously, this didn’t make the golfers very happy. So their first attempted remedy was to build a fence along the fairway, but I guess they didn’t take into account that monkeys are pretty good climbers. The fence was a total failure. Then they tried luring the monkeys away from the course by waving some bananas or other treats around. But there were just too many monkeys and they seemed to love to play with the golf balls. They even tried trapping and relocating the monkeys but again, the numbers were too great. So finally they just made a special rule that said, when golfing on this particular course, you had to play the ball from wherever the monkey dropped it.
They were on to something! This is a lesson from Meditation 101. We want life to be just so, we want to spell out all of the conditions but life doesn’t play by our terms and sometimes it doesn’t cooperate, maybe it does for a while, which makes us want to hold on tight, but then things change, stuff happens. We want things to be just so but the monkeys in our minds say no, they scramble our plans. So, if we want any peace, we need to pause and say, okay this is the way things are, I’m fine with that. This acceptance is one of the fundamental keys to keeping a positive outlook in the face of adversity.
When my mind isn’t fully occupied and is allowed to drift aimlessly, negativity can start to seep into my stream of thought. These thoughts are generally baseless interpretations, perceptions, or speculations about the hidden meaning of some past event. I find it interesting that if someone walks up to me and says something like, “I hate you!” or smacks me in anger I would feel momentary pain, but since there is no ambiguity to their intent I wouldn’t be likely to dwell on it. But if a friend asks me in a concerned tone, “Are you feeling alright today?”, I very well may spiral that comment through my mind many, many times until there is an absolutely negative interpretation associated with it. When my mind is idle, my emotions can end up in a very dark place. Fortunately, there is a way to counter this cycle of negative thinking.
Being retired means having time to embrace new challenges and explore new interests. During my working career, I was focused on making money, supporting my household, and ensuring a financially secure retirement. I was successful in those endeavors, but I had to sacrifice most of my time in order to accomplish those goals. Now, I have the time to putter and tinker. I’ve recently discovered that I have a creative side that remained dormant while I was busy working. My main outlet for this creativity has been music. I am learning how to play the piano and write songs. It’s challenging for sure, but there are lots of little successes along the way that make this a very satisfying pastime for me. It also brings a sense of joy and usefulness to my life. These are building blocks for creating a positive feeling of self and keeping a contented mind.
There’s something interesting that happens to me when I’m writing songs and playing music, and it will happen to any of us who take up an endeavor that requires a lot of mental effort. When I am engrossed in music, thoughts of aging or decreased physical capabilities never enter my mind. This is because I have to remain focused on what I’m doing. In other words, these are activities that require mindfulness. Mindfulness is the act of being present in the current moment and fully engaged in our experiences. It is a state of heightened awareness that allows us to become more attuned to our thoughts, feelings, and sensations. By practicing mindfulness, we can reduce stress and anxiety, improve our mood, and enhance our overall sense of well-being. This can be particularly valuable when exploring hobbies and interests, as it allows us to immerse ourselves in the activity and find joy in the process rather than focusing solely on the outcome.
Mindfulness and acceptance are core teachings in the philosophy of Buddhism. According to Buddhist tradition, on the night of his enlightenment, the Buddha was confronted by Mara, the embodiment of all that is evil and unenlightened. Mara attempted to distract the Buddha from his quest for enlightenment by tempting him with visions of beautiful women, offering him power and dominion over the world, and using fear and doubt to try and disrupt his concentration. However, the Buddha remained steadfast, and through his deep meditation and inner strength, he was able to overcome Mara’s illusions and attain enlightenment, thereby achieving a state of perfect wisdom and inner peace. The encounter with Mara is often seen as a metaphor for the challenges and obstacles that one must overcome on the path to spiritual enlightenment. Here is a link to a wonderful talk and guided meditation focused on mindfulness. Here is a link to a terrific talk and guided meditation devoted to acceptance.
As we grow older, parts of our bodies will not work as well as they used to. We may also find more time on our hands, which can lead to long spells of mindless thinking. We must take proactive steps to ensure and maintain a positive outlook and a sense of mental and emotional well-being. These steps can be achieved by keeping our minds active and busy. One method of doing this is by engaging in hobbies and interests that appeal to us. We can also attain these positive mindsets by maintaining a regular meditation practice and developing mindfulness and focusing our minds on the concept of acceptance of life, just as it is. Either way, I wish for all of you, peace and contentment of mind. Remember, the dampness and gloom are impermanent. Warm sunny days will soon follow!
John teaches at F.L.O.W. in Abington, PA. Yin Yoga weekly and a Beginner’s Yoga Workshop once a month. To learn more about John, visit: https://flowwellnesscenter.org/ourteam